big boost

Scale Survey Says:  5 pounds  (Total: 6.4 pounds)

Well lookie there--it works!  Okay, I knew that.  I didn't expect five pounds for sure, but I'm quite happy with it!  I know I won't always get big weeks like that--it might be my only real big week, even.  It's enough to give me a boost in confidence though and I will take that and run with it!  I lost a daily point (33 now, instead of 34) but so far, hunger hasn't really been an issue so I don't think I'll miss that point.  Plus, I barely dipped into my "Weekly Points" (which are weird, spare points that you can use if you have eaten all your points for the day and still are hungry, or if you're eating out or whatever--I think they're the craving points) and when I did, it was last night and I ate fewer than 5 of 49 points. 

In other news, I have hooked up with a social media guru at MD Anderson and have signed on to write some blog-style posts/pieces about my experience with cancer.  They'll eventually appear on the CancerWise.org website.  I've got a list of things I want to write about (as it's proving to be good therapy) but I'd also love to hear requests.  Anyone got something you'd want me to write about?  Nothing's really too taboo (C'mon--y'all know me by now!!) and I'd love to hear what people would like to read about in addition to what I've already put down in my little idea book.  I won't be changing my writing style much--they like that I'm candid and not stuffy.  I'll have to tone down the cussing of course, but I am a creative girl and don't see a problem with that.  Plus, the guru I've been emailing with has already read this site, so she knows I've got a sailor's filthy mouth; it's not like I've got to hide that side of me, just choose different words for their site.  I'll also have to edit my rambling into shorter posts.  That was a given too.  Blah blah blah.....

My weekends are going to start dwindling soon.  This is going to be one of my last before April, I think.  I've got a list of things to do that's longer than my leg.  I'm short but I write small, so that's a long list.  I may not even get half of it finished but there are a few key things that must be done this weekend.  I've become a lot better at not getting frustrated by half-completed lists.  It's great to swipe out all the things on the page, but I recognise my tendency to go a little nutso when making lists.  (i.e. LIST ALL THE THINGS!!)  I've also started doing things on the list after work.  Thanks for the suggestions for organisation--the 15 minutes here, 15 minutes there helps a lot.  Also, not sitting down.  And the thing that really has helped this week: my cable going out.

Yeah, I have no cable right now.  Just the local channels.  Local programming is really bad y'all.  And flipping (I'm a channel flipper--ADD--look, a butterfly!) is far less satisfying when I have only channels 2 through 13 to flip through and more than half of those are in Spanish.  I guess my cable company did a switchy thinger so now I need one of their cable conversion boxes.  Similar to the one everyone did a year or two ago.  The box is free and has been sent to my house--just waiting for it to arrive.  In the meantime, no Bravo, no E Network, no VH1, no A&E....  It seriously limits television watching, which aided me in getting things done.  I'm considering ponying up for a DVR through my cable company.  It would also help with getting things done.  And also, being a lazy butt when that's preferable.  Plus, I want to be able to record all the gymnastics this summer.

I've been sketching a bit at night.  Some from books of poses that I have, some from poses in my head.  I haven't been doing the photo-realism drawing for those, just quick, gestural sketches meant to flesh out what I'm trying to convey at the moment.  I don't need these to be perfect.  I'm looking for ways (and finding them) to quickly scribble out what I'd like to work on for a final product.  Drafting, I guess.  It's nice to know that I can quickly scribble things that make sense to me.  It may just look like a messy stick figure to someone else, but I know it's the base for a more detailed drawing that is to come later.  The people are easier than the things.  I am still being mocked by a pair of pants I'm trying to get right.  Go figure.

sugar-crashing initiated

I am crankypants today.  I think I'm entering that tenuous zone in the diet--excuse me, lifestyle change--where my body realises that I'm not going to be eating all the delicious refined sugar and candy and begins its revenge.  Today, revenge comes in the form of being cranky and exhausted.  It's a joy to be around me today, I'm sure.

I'm not hungry which is nice.  I only slightly worry about getting all my Points in (I promise this will not become a Pointsapalooza type space) but since I can eat all the fruit and veg I want, that takes the edge off the snacky cravings.  Those tend to be my downfall.  A coworker asked if I wanted to order from a restaurant today and I declined.  I wanted to but didn't think it would be the best idea.  Of course, I just looked up what I would have ordered and it's one point fewer than what I actually ate for lunch. 

My energy reserves today are low.  I feel a little out of it.  I know this is just the "learning curve" from beginning the diet/lifestyle/whatever.  I've felt this detox from refined sugar before--and I do truly believe it's an addiction.  I know it will pass.  I'm just going to be a little stupid during the transition.  And I'll have more fantasies about hurling staplers at the cheery, close-talking, morning person at work who is really nice but even on a good day drives me a little bonkers.  She's in no real danger.  Actually picking up the stapler and throwing it is more energy than I can muster up while I try to convince my body that it does not need a cupcake. 

I so want a damn cupcake.  And we'll be having a bunch delivered on Friday for the January birthdays.  Technically, I'll already have weighed for the week, but I don't want to really start that trap of binging and then trying to make up for it.  I'm hoping they have nuts on them.  Or gravel.  Or are all banana flavoured.  Or that worthless whippy-shit frosting that tastes like diabetic glucose and disappointment. 

i quit!

I hereby retire at life because I will NEVER be this cool.  (Link is safe for work.)

belly

So I weighed myself this morning.  I'm down 1.4 lbs. in my first week of watching what I'm stuffing into my face.  I'm not necessarily unhappy with that number, but I'd have loved it to be 104 pounds.  However in a week that would probably mean loss of all my limbs which would lessen the yay factor significantly.  I decided to join Weight Watchers online today (thanks to Mama and Big Daddy Pants!) so I can have a little more structure than just counting calories.  I often rebel against too rigid a structure (see: Jenny Craig) but I've done WW before and I know the recipes alone will help me out tremendously.  So we'll see what next week brings.  I promise not to do a creepy "dualing Sarahs" commercial where I sing with myself in an ill-fitting pink dress.  And not just because my singing often sounds like cats in heat.

I keep snacks in a cabinet for my team at work.  I bagged up my boss's favourite chips early in the week so each baggie is 150 calories.  I also did it with the baked Cheetos.  And then I made up a calorie list and taped it to the inside of the cabinet--everything that's in the cabinet is listed.  We've got some runners on our team as well as calorie counters and they seem to like to know what they're putting in their mouths.  By kinda "catering" to them, I'm also helping myself along.  I'll use anything I can right now.

While I was doing all my treatments over the summer, the nurses were glad that I came in fat because they wouldn't have to worry about me wasting away to nothing.  We laughed about how I wasn't fat, I was prepared to fight cancer.  Well, now that I'm officially cancer-free, I'm back to just fat and that's not really okay anymore.  I know that cancer cells tend to be fat and sugar fed and I don't want to give them any more ammunition to come back.  The first two years seem to have the biggest relapse occurence but they measure me on a five year scale:  if I go five years without a recurrence, I'm considered "cured."  I'd like to achieve that and I know it's a lot more likely if I take better care of myself.  And hey--maybe I'll get laid again! 

I was examining my navel earlier this week (what, you don't?!) and it appeared that the piercing hole from when I was about 20 remained unsealed.  I haven't had jewelry in that piercing since the night before my surgery, August 4.  You probably can see where this is going.  (My mom is probably cringing.)  I grabbed an old ring and slipped it through--tada!  Okay, so the ring currenly in the hole is a gauge smaller than my original navel ring (which is actually in my rook piercing) but it's holding nicely.  A little tender and sore at times, but it's strangely comforting to have it back in.  I was going to just leave the piercing out, let it close, and move on--I have a scar that runs right up to the top hole and it's not especially attractive.  However, seeing the little flash of silver in my belly reminds me of my 20s, San Diego, and when my body was rockin, even if I didn't know it then.  So I'm leaving it in for now. 

Here go hell come

Today gave me a taste of what this coming busy season might be like. I don't even....

All my lamps in my house are on timers. It's rather convenient and a good way of knowing when I should be thinking about turning in. None of the lights go off before 10pm. I'm currently laying in bed with the tv on the sleep timer, exhausted. All the lights are blazing and I will probably be out before the lights.

It's a little nerve-wracking but I am gonna give it my best shot. What more can I do? The DIY 150 calorie snack baggies got several laughs. It's actually a good way of keeping myself in check too. Maybe it will be a thing. Maybe I'm delirious.

La la la la la.... Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry