gratitude
November 17, 2011 at 4:57 PM I thought a lot about this over the summer and while I process all the emotional crap I pushed off during that time, the thought is resurfacing. I'm glad it was me that got cancer. I know this sounds like an insane statement off the cuff, but pay attention. I didn't say that I'm glad I got cancer. I am glad it was me that got cancer. There's a big difference.
The summer was difficult, there's no doubt about it. It sucked. However, in thinking about it all, as a whole, with the benefit of hindsight, I'm in awe of how relatively neatly it all unfolded. I know that I'm a lucky gal. (Better lucky than good!) I'm so thankful for the luck that befell me this past summer.
Mama Pants was able to be at the diagnosis appointment with me, even though I only gave her an hour or two of notice, even though my nephews were in town. She has experience in the medical field and was able to listen to the doctor after I went numb from hearing the word "cancer," and she was able to read the copy of the labs he gave her. Since she's retired and my father is doing short weeks, they were both able to go to my subsequent appointments with me. Their house was big enough that I'd have a room to recover in after my surgery. I never had to drive myself to an appointment--someone was always there to drive me so that I could nap on the way to and from as the fatigue set in. If I couldn't muster the strength to cook, I still ate because one of my parents made sure of it. My insurance turns out to be rather amazing and has covered the majority of my treatment. Because I opted to put a large amount into my flexible spending account, most of what was not covered by insurance was covered by my flexible spending account. Disability paid far more than I could have expected--enough to cover my bills so that I didn't have to rely on my parents' bank accounts to see me through. (The renovation is a whole other story--but hello, that's amazing in itself too!) My five cats were able to spend the entire summer with me, and I with them. My best friend was able to come out for over two weeks. I went through enough therapy in the years prior that my frame of mind was much more capable to handle the difficulty of the situation than it would have been ten years ago. I never, not once, not then and not now, felt alone during the experience.
Everything, aside from the diagnosis itself, was relatively in my favour. The support system that I'm so lucky to have got me through it. The insurance I'm lucky to have paid for it. My own emotional hard work in the last few years afforded me the mental strength to push through it. As far as set ups go, it was better for me to get the cancer than it would have been for any of my friends. I'm thankful for that.
A quick search informs me that roughly 1 of every 2 men, and 1 of every 3 women in America will get cancer at some point in their lives. That's a little staggering to take in. I know, with those statistics, that it's unlikely that the disease will leave my friends and family untouched for the rest of my life, but for this summer, I'm glad it was me and not any of my friends or family.
Reader Comments (6)
I admire your strength and your positive outlook in life despite of having a cancer! :) You're a brave lady!
I have been following you for years, in one form or fashion. I have to admit, your bravery and honesty are amazing! Attitude is everything and yours will take you quite far.
"I never, not once, not then and not now, felt alone during the experience." I am so happy to hear you say this. That was one of my goals during those 3 months of cancer bonding (because that's what should come out of all of this). I must have remarked a thousand times that nobody should go to their appointments, chemo, blood tests, doctor appointments, or anything else without somebody with them. You need somebody to hear with a different ear, to do battle for you (heh heh! I was good at this!), to ask questions, to get you to and from, to laugh hysterically at inappropriate moments, and to make sure that you KNOW you are loved and taken care of every minute. I could do a seminar on the importance of support. So to all of you other there, be there if support is needed - it's critical to the care and feeding of the person you love. And you need to know you gave it your all.
i love you. what your mom said above is awesome and i'm so glad you have a mom like her. everyone needs a mom like that!
I'd rather you, nor your family, nor any of your friends get cancer. But I'm so happy that you made it out the other side and are still the sassy chick we know and love.
If Mama Pants is ever looking to adopt, maybe you can let us know?
I was deeply touched by this post! You inspires me! God loves you so much as she had given you a wonderful mom that promised to always be on your side all the way!