August 4 = Menopause
July 27, 2011 at 11:30 AM Yeah, so uh, hey. I'ma have a hysterectomy next Thursday, k? Well, it's really not up for debate. Doc says it all has to come out and as I got my degree in English and not Broken Boxes n' Stuff, I'm just going to defer to him and follow his instructions. Yes, I'm making light of it. Humour is a defense of mine, a great coping device. Plus, worrying won't get me anywhere, so why not just let the laughter happen? It relieves stress.
The long and short of it is that I've currently got cervical cancer. It was found during my regular trip to the Box Doc and confirmed through a biopsy. My Box Doc had already scheduled me with a specialist at M.D. Anderson and I was in his office in less than 48 hours, going over a course of action with Mama Pants and Big Daddy Pants. The best case scenario is a full hysterectomy (ovaries n' all) and it was the one the specialist would prefer to do. I'm fine with that, as pregnancy is not something I've ever desired to experience. (Mine or anyone else's for that matter. Bleh.)
Of course, I'll be staying at the Pants Ranch with Mama Pants and Big Daddy Pants. And if everything works out well, the contractors will be able to go in and fairy-godmother my place all up while I'm in a narc-haze, drooling on my pillow. I'll be out of work for 6 weeks and will miss the September rush. I should be back in time for October rush, but that one shouldn't be too major. I plan on reading my Kindle (which I adore), watching Netflix, drawing in my lap (not on my lap), and taking over Mama P's laptop.
To sum up: everything is okay. I just left a comment on a blog referencing the surgery yesterday and got a "WTF?!" response; I don't remember who knows and who doesn't anymore so I figured I'd just put it all on blast. Easier, eh? Cos you all wanted to know about my vagine, admit it. Heh.
Sarah
Whoops! Mama Pants says I'm keeping my ovaries. This is why she took the notes while I zoned out. Now I've confused her. We'll find out on Wednesday at the latest.
Reader Comments (12)
Wanna' email me Mama Pants address for suitable care package? I send care package. I looooooooves sending care package.
I think we need to throw a Goodbye to Sarah's Vagina! party. I can't wait to tailor the invites. They may startle.
Love you, babes.
Damn, girl! Way to drop a bomb on folks! 0_0
I'm glad to see you have such a great attitude about the whole thing, that will make your recovery go that much smoother (take it from someone with a track record in that area!).
Take care of you! [hugs]
Ok, hopefully they aren't taking your ENTIRE vagina, though, right?
Or am I forgetting all the basic anatomy that I was (not really) taught in junior high in the 80's, and I'm totally off on what the vagina actually is?
That said, I'm glad you have a good plan of defense. And I'm PISSED that you even have the cervical cancer at all, of course. But, the humor is a good way of tackling it, IMO. So humor away! And keep us posted on how things are going for you, ok? And if you need anything, please email. :)
This is a big Joey sized "Whoa." Shit, I'm sorry to hear about the surgery and the cancer. You're a tough broad and I know you'll make the whole ordeal your bitch.
Just make "I won't let the hysto-wrecka-me" your mantra.
I works better in a stereotypical Eyetalian voice.
No, you're keeping your ovaries dear - I think because none of us could live through your immediate cessation of hormones. You'll only be without a uterus (too bad - no periods - be brave) but you will have your hormone producing equipment. thank god. We're told this is a cure for the kind you have - no lymph node involvement which means no radiation and no chemo. Keep all fingers crossed out there in Blogland!
@Mamma Pants:
SWEET. That's even better! All of the "no more messin' with The Visitor," without all the "taking hormones for the next umpty-odd years. :D
{cloud} SILVER LINING!! {cloud}
Your attitude is what is going to make your recovery all the better. I've had to take down some serious health issues the last few years and all I can say is your sense of humor is what will make your healing process better. And be as sarcastic and crazy as you want to be. And tell your family to be their crazy selves as well and don't hold back. And when you need to cry, and yell and and scream!
Another fucking reason to fucking hate mother fucking fucked up cancer. G*D!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. But I am happy that you're responsibly taking care of it pronto (do you know how many ladies DON'T go to the BoxDoc ever?) and that you're going to be recovering at your folks' house.
May your surgery go easy, may the drugs be good, may your recovery be speedy and may cancer go fuck itself. In the ear.
Wowzers. Drop the bomb, like the other commenter said. But Mama Pants' comment is reassuring -- no lymph node involvement, no radiation, no chemo. M.D. Anderson is, like, the BEST for cancer treatment, isn't it? That is also reassuring.
I had a hysterectomy when I was 43 -- fibroid tumors, non-cancerous but bleeding so much that I was very anemic. Losing that uterus was one of the better things that ever happened to me. No more periods! Can wear light-colored pants any time of the month! No more cramps! Yippee!
The six-week recovery thing is really true. 5 weeks: still tired. 6 weeks: ready to go!
Best of luck, and boyohboy am I glad I don't have to offer to knit you a chemo cap. Last summer I had to made FIVE of the things, and I was really pissed off at cancer by August. Take care, I'll be thinking of you.
And that ladies, is why we get our annual check-ups! So glad they found it early. Keeping you in my thoughts for a speedy recovery! By the way, Christine had a hysterectomy as well for similar reasons as kmkat... and she feels so much better for it.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Glad it was found early.
WTF?! Okay, now that's out of the way. I've been far behind on my internet friends, but I also missed out on this little detail. Yes, cancer is a bitch, and yes, you will kick its ugly ass.
An address for Mamma Pants would be lovely...I cannot promise as wonderful a care package as Shannon will provide, but I can probably manage a card.
Not that I don't want to keep talking about your vagina, but you get to keep that. I think everything cervix and higher (+/- ovaries) gets gone. I do still think Shannon should host a party, though. Or is she already and I just didn't get invited? Holy fuck, that's disappointing.