colour, but not moUlding cos ew.

Jimmy and J2 (who hasn't hit 18 yet, thus the moniker), the Nephews Pants are in Houston right now.  While summer in Houston sucks because of the weather, these two help make summer suck a lot less with their visits.  They're huge.  Either my memory sucks, or they keep growing like whoa.  Or both.  But I swear, I still think of them as the little kiddos running around like they just discovered their own knees, saying "Leggo my San Diego!" and giggling whenever we called them "Buttboy" or sang "You're a Sandwich."  What, you don't know "You're a Sandwich?"  Clearly, you are an uncultured individual.

Over the weekend, I brought a buttload of paint chips to my parents house to go through them.  I didn't really expect that we'd pick a whole paint scheme, but we wound up doing so in about 15 to 20 minutes.  And then scheduled this coming weekend for Paintapalooza.  Nephews agreed to help, so long as I supply the beer.  We might get the whole thing hammered out in one weekend!  Well, perhaps not the bathroom, as there's a fuckpot of demo that's going to happen in there, so we might not be painting in there at all this weekend.  But still!  Whee!

Of course, that means I have to take things off my walls, spackle, and move shit to the center of the room this week.  Glad I bought a bottle of NoDoze last Friday.  I'm gonna be up late this week.  I've already started making lists.  (Yes, Mom.  On those little pads.  They're everywhere.)  I might try to bribe Amy to come over and help me one day this week.  And then see if I can cash in on a painting raincheck this weekend, if we're in need of help.

Big Daddy Pants mentioned putting up molding around the ceiling in my bedroom.  I think that would look pretty damn awesome.  It would also double as a nice technique to hide any sloppy painting up at the top of the wall.  (I hate painter's tape.  We do not get along.)  I looked up some molding prices on lowes and the shit that's actual "crown molding" is expensive!  However, the base molding seems a lot cheaper.  Now, why can't I just get base molding and flip it upside down?  I don't need it to look like the Russians hand carved shit and put it up on my ceiling for the czars and various gods to smile lovingly down upon me and my molding.  I'm just thinking it would be a cool bust up of the giant walls and the ceiling and bring my dark colour into the room a bit more.  Is that doable?

 (Also, Hi Jen!)

miles and miles

Happy is the girl who has her ticket for Thanksgiving booked.

no place in the world that could compare

I'm watching the footage; the horrifying, devastating, heart-breaking footage.  I don't know how to describe the feelings I get while watching, especially the amateur footage.  It makes me ache, one that has yet to dull over 9 years, and pull into myself.  I feel raw, but also sometimes like I'm watching through a hole in a wall in front of me, as if I'm locked within a suit of myself, peering out my own eyes from a distance.  Logically, I know what's going on; I know that it's called disassociating.  Physically, it feels nothing like disassociation.  It feels like I'm plugging directly into that energy, connecting with everything and everyone on my television screen, time passage of no consequence.

It all comes back to how I feel I need to be there.  That's my home.  If my heart is going to heal itself, this mystery wound than I cannot explain, it will be there.  Maybe the city and I can heal one another.  Maybe once I'm home, the hollow will dissipate or slowly fill in.  The disconnection is haunting.  I just want to go home and stay there.  I want to be where I belong.

I don't really know how to express everything in my mind clearly.  

I don't know that I really want to.