i wouldn't believe your wireless radio

I'm single so Valentine's isn't my favourite holiday.  Even when I haven't been single on Valentine's, it hasn't been a holiday that registered much for me except for the candy.  Truthfully, even the candy isn't all that great.  (Easter is the candy el dorado.)  Roses are pretty but not my favourite flower, especially in red, and they're ridiculously overpriced right now.  I'm not as bitter as I have been in the past, but on the whole today is just not a big deal to me.  Of course, that said, I did get three cards in the mail yesterday, two of which made me bawl and one which made me laugh.  Luckily, I opened them in that order.

I won "MVP" of my team last Friday during the bowling ramp up.  We also locked into last place, score-wise.  I know I helped with that a lot too.  (Hey, we got a prize for it!  But really, it's just that I suck at bowling.)  I'm not sure what I did to deserve the MVP aside from ham-up without a lick of shame (stick-on mustache!) and dance to the music that was playing, but I'll take it!  I won a bowling pin.  That might not sound like a big deal to anyone else, but I like quirky shit like that.  I was looking on ebay for bowling pins a few years ago.  So now I have one.  I have to think of some other quirky object I must have now. 

The diet continues.  I was up last week and a little confused about it, as I'd been pretty damn good (aside from a visit to Meat Church).  I weighed again Friday night on a lark and fully clothed, I weighed less than I did that morning.  So I decided it was a fluke, some trickery by my body to keep me from getting smug or something.  In any case, I'm not bothered by it.  It won't be the last time the numbers go up.  Another number that's up is my grocery budget.  Crispy McFuckcheese, fresh food is expensive!  I find it irritating that a pound of cherries (roughly $5 last Sunday) is more expensive than a "value" meal at most fast food places.  I don't really consider the grease, heartburn, and fat ass that come with that meal to be a "value" but it's cheaper than a bowl of cherries and there's something inherently wrong with that.

I tend to do my grocery shopping on Sunday afternoons, which is a little stupid.  I bring my shuffle, throw in my earbuds and bop through the aisles, ignoring all the fussy children, exasperated mothers, and idiot men who don't seem to understand how grocery stores work.  It helps keep me from strangling strangers in my way.  I'd like to switch it over to a week night, but I'm stocked up right now and my weeknights will be few and far between soon.  Plus, then I'll miss Wheel of Fortune and the opportunity to laugh gleefully at the people who buy obvious vowels and then hit bankrupt immediately.  (Frivolous vowel purchase infuriates me.  Shut up.)

So I've noticed that I don't get nearly as much heartburn as I used to.  I figured that would happen as my weight went down but I haven't really shed that much and the difference is staggering to me.  Obviously, there's something to this "eating better" thing, even if it's not the most fun.  I noticed I was walking a little differently today.  It's a walk that I recognise from a long time ago; I don't know how to explain it, but I do hope that it sticks around.  When I was hitting the gym daily (sometimes twice) when we first moved to Texas, I had this silly habit of mashing all the fat on my belly into a ball shape.  (I know, it sounds nuts.)  I remember that ball getting smaller and smaller as I went to the gym.  At my thinnest point, my hands touched each other around that little ball.  My hands are still very far apart in the belly smoosh exercise now.  I want that little ball back. 

big boost

Scale Survey Says:  5 pounds  (Total: 6.4 pounds)

Well lookie there--it works!  Okay, I knew that.  I didn't expect five pounds for sure, but I'm quite happy with it!  I know I won't always get big weeks like that--it might be my only real big week, even.  It's enough to give me a boost in confidence though and I will take that and run with it!  I lost a daily point (33 now, instead of 34) but so far, hunger hasn't really been an issue so I don't think I'll miss that point.  Plus, I barely dipped into my "Weekly Points" (which are weird, spare points that you can use if you have eaten all your points for the day and still are hungry, or if you're eating out or whatever--I think they're the craving points) and when I did, it was last night and I ate fewer than 5 of 49 points. 

In other news, I have hooked up with a social media guru at MD Anderson and have signed on to write some blog-style posts/pieces about my experience with cancer.  They'll eventually appear on the CancerWise.org website.  I've got a list of things I want to write about (as it's proving to be good therapy) but I'd also love to hear requests.  Anyone got something you'd want me to write about?  Nothing's really too taboo (C'mon--y'all know me by now!!) and I'd love to hear what people would like to read about in addition to what I've already put down in my little idea book.  I won't be changing my writing style much--they like that I'm candid and not stuffy.  I'll have to tone down the cussing of course, but I am a creative girl and don't see a problem with that.  Plus, the guru I've been emailing with has already read this site, so she knows I've got a sailor's filthy mouth; it's not like I've got to hide that side of me, just choose different words for their site.  I'll also have to edit my rambling into shorter posts.  That was a given too.  Blah blah blah.....

My weekends are going to start dwindling soon.  This is going to be one of my last before April, I think.  I've got a list of things to do that's longer than my leg.  I'm short but I write small, so that's a long list.  I may not even get half of it finished but there are a few key things that must be done this weekend.  I've become a lot better at not getting frustrated by half-completed lists.  It's great to swipe out all the things on the page, but I recognise my tendency to go a little nutso when making lists.  (i.e. LIST ALL THE THINGS!!)  I've also started doing things on the list after work.  Thanks for the suggestions for organisation--the 15 minutes here, 15 minutes there helps a lot.  Also, not sitting down.  And the thing that really has helped this week: my cable going out.

Yeah, I have no cable right now.  Just the local channels.  Local programming is really bad y'all.  And flipping (I'm a channel flipper--ADD--look, a butterfly!) is far less satisfying when I have only channels 2 through 13 to flip through and more than half of those are in Spanish.  I guess my cable company did a switchy thinger so now I need one of their cable conversion boxes.  Similar to the one everyone did a year or two ago.  The box is free and has been sent to my house--just waiting for it to arrive.  In the meantime, no Bravo, no E Network, no VH1, no A&E....  It seriously limits television watching, which aided me in getting things done.  I'm considering ponying up for a DVR through my cable company.  It would also help with getting things done.  And also, being a lazy butt when that's preferable.  Plus, I want to be able to record all the gymnastics this summer.

I've been sketching a bit at night.  Some from books of poses that I have, some from poses in my head.  I haven't been doing the photo-realism drawing for those, just quick, gestural sketches meant to flesh out what I'm trying to convey at the moment.  I don't need these to be perfect.  I'm looking for ways (and finding them) to quickly scribble out what I'd like to work on for a final product.  Drafting, I guess.  It's nice to know that I can quickly scribble things that make sense to me.  It may just look like a messy stick figure to someone else, but I know it's the base for a more detailed drawing that is to come later.  The people are easier than the things.  I am still being mocked by a pair of pants I'm trying to get right.  Go figure.

belly

So I weighed myself this morning.  I'm down 1.4 lbs. in my first week of watching what I'm stuffing into my face.  I'm not necessarily unhappy with that number, but I'd have loved it to be 104 pounds.  However in a week that would probably mean loss of all my limbs which would lessen the yay factor significantly.  I decided to join Weight Watchers online today (thanks to Mama and Big Daddy Pants!) so I can have a little more structure than just counting calories.  I often rebel against too rigid a structure (see: Jenny Craig) but I've done WW before and I know the recipes alone will help me out tremendously.  So we'll see what next week brings.  I promise not to do a creepy "dualing Sarahs" commercial where I sing with myself in an ill-fitting pink dress.  And not just because my singing often sounds like cats in heat.

I keep snacks in a cabinet for my team at work.  I bagged up my boss's favourite chips early in the week so each baggie is 150 calories.  I also did it with the baked Cheetos.  And then I made up a calorie list and taped it to the inside of the cabinet--everything that's in the cabinet is listed.  We've got some runners on our team as well as calorie counters and they seem to like to know what they're putting in their mouths.  By kinda "catering" to them, I'm also helping myself along.  I'll use anything I can right now.

While I was doing all my treatments over the summer, the nurses were glad that I came in fat because they wouldn't have to worry about me wasting away to nothing.  We laughed about how I wasn't fat, I was prepared to fight cancer.  Well, now that I'm officially cancer-free, I'm back to just fat and that's not really okay anymore.  I know that cancer cells tend to be fat and sugar fed and I don't want to give them any more ammunition to come back.  The first two years seem to have the biggest relapse occurence but they measure me on a five year scale:  if I go five years without a recurrence, I'm considered "cured."  I'd like to achieve that and I know it's a lot more likely if I take better care of myself.  And hey--maybe I'll get laid again! 

I was examining my navel earlier this week (what, you don't?!) and it appeared that the piercing hole from when I was about 20 remained unsealed.  I haven't had jewelry in that piercing since the night before my surgery, August 4.  You probably can see where this is going.  (My mom is probably cringing.)  I grabbed an old ring and slipped it through--tada!  Okay, so the ring currenly in the hole is a gauge smaller than my original navel ring (which is actually in my rook piercing) but it's holding nicely.  A little tender and sore at times, but it's strangely comforting to have it back in.  I was going to just leave the piercing out, let it close, and move on--I have a scar that runs right up to the top hole and it's not especially attractive.  However, seeing the little flash of silver in my belly reminds me of my 20s, San Diego, and when my body was rockin, even if I didn't know it then.  So I'm leaving it in for now. 

here piggy pig pig

I did an "American Horror Story" marathon with the girls on Saturday.  Amy insisted I had to watch the show so I committed to doing the whole thing from start to finish.  It was probably the best way to watch it, really--no agonising wait for the next episode.  I'd read little things about the show here and there while it was running, so my lack of reaction to certain things (like Violet's little predicament with leaving the house) disappointed one of the gals, but I made up for it with my jumping through the ceiling at other things.  And for noticing weird shit.  Like the fucking skeletons in the Halloween episode.  And the fact that the raw brain had parsley on it, not a bay leaf.  I'll be watching season 2, though I might wait for another marathon.

Am I the only one who feels like she's already behind in the new year?  I feel like I just can't quite catch up and there's so much to do!  Busy season is coming fast and furious and we've started a new system at work.  It's a good system, but there's that typical learning curve.  I feel like my weekends are going to fall by the wayside earlier than normal; like I'll be working at least one day a weekend by February.  The money will be welcome, but if I feel behind now....  I've got a lot of little personal thingies I want to finish up as well (emails I owe, packages I owe, house stuff I want to do) but when I get home, I'm totally exhausted.  I'm going to experiment with drinking a late cup of coffee at the end of the day to see if that can perk me into doing at least a few chores around the house before crashing.  I just need to not sit down.  Sitting down is what ends everything.

I bought a scale last week.  Thursday.  I decided to be a big girl (unintentional pun) and really get serious about the size of my ass.  So I bought a scale from Target.  I'd planned to weigh Friday mornings and was all excited about having the ability to start immediately, even though the last thing I want to really do is see those goddamn numbers staring up at me.  (Aside: why does anyone need a goddamn talking scale?!)  I got home and opened up the scale to put in the batteries and it was obvious that the scale had been returned.  I hoped it was just a "why the hell did you get me a scale, asshole, you are never getting laid again!" present and not because the scale wouldn't work.  The scale didn't work.  We all saw that one coming, eh?  And then I opened up a package from Amanda that had black and white cookies and a chocolate babka in it.  I decided the Universe was telling me that this was not my week to start and I ate those cookies for dinner.  The scale is now in my car for return tonight (with a sticky on it inside reading "defective!" in case they just toss it back on a shelf again) and I bought one from Amazon yesterday that will arrive tomorrow. 

Totally unrelated:  my fingernails have been growing like gangbusters lately.  I'm not taking Biotin anymore because I'd like my haircut to last longer (which I also need to address) but I'm wondering if all the vitamins I'm taking is aiding them.   My nails have never been the grow-fast sort.  They're bendy nails, not strong really, and these new growth-spurt nails still bend, but they don't break or rip as often as they used to.  I practically needed my dremel to file them down Sunday night.  Anyone else have vitamin/nail experience?

Also unrelated:  I want to transfer my domains from GoDaddy to a different domain-house this weekend.  I don't know how long that will take, or how long this place will be down for, but here's your warning.

Last unrelated:  What's your one best organisation tip?

get it girl

I had a ridiculous time in New York.  Much of it blurs together until I can zoom in on a specific memory and make it pop out of the haze.  Being asked to recall specifics on command just gives me a blurry, spinning picture.  I had a great time, but most of it cannot be put into words.  I doubt the photos will even do it justice.

Naturally, I overdid it.  I knew this going in.  The stairs coming up from the subways are my nemesis.  I find I can walk quite a bit but put stairs into the mix and I'm good as gone.  I was very close to fainting once in Brooklyn; even got to pin-pointed tunnel vision, but somehow I managed to keep my eyes open and my body upright.  Looks like I've got some stuff to work on.  Can't live in New York without encountering stairs.  As it stands now, I'm probably going to get a cold in the upcoming week.  Things just feel "off."  And I'm stiff and sore from walking so much.  I knew this would be the case--I've gone through this kind of "overdoing" before.  I wake up and move like a 93 year old woman for a while.  I have to stretch and creek and pop for a while before I can stand upright and move with any speed.

I generally see a celeb or two while there.  I saw Gabby Sidibe this time.  Generally, it's easy to spot the celebs.  They wear sunglasses, while no one else really does.

Got to see friends again, make new friends, and pickle my liver.  It was a successful trip.